Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
