College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
