I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
