I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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