I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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