You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
