just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
