its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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