Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize