i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
