Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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