Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
