I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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