I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
