I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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