I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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