omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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