she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
