you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
