I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
