he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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