i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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