First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
