i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
