Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
