I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
