I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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