And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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