I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
