I'm jealous of your bromance
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
