You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
