Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to sanitize my soul.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
