Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
