Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
