How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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