i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
