That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i've created a new STD.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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