How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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