i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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