I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
