Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
