I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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