this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
