yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
