maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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