Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize