She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
