Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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