there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
