just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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