we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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