C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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