Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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