i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
