She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
