i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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