i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize