Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
