Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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