Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
