apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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