somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
