my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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