lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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