Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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