Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
