So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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