Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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