Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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