you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
