I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
