He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
