he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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