It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
