can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
