She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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