And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize