fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
