i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
