my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
