I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
too bad you live with your parents still
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
