you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
