he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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