i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize