A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
