I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
