we're chasing vodka with high fives
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
