So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
